Let it Go

Years ago I worked with a woman who used acronyms when speaking as a way to code conversation that our supervisor might overhear. One of her favorites was LIG – let it go. I learned many things in that job, among them that the only and best response in a situation is often none at all. Rather than react or respond – especially when under the influence of a powerful emotion – it’s more useful to look directly inward at our own mind, watch carefully and cautiously, and then as the energy begins to dissipate let it go. Whatever emotion or negative thought that manifests don’t grab onto it or use it to build resentments, feel self-righteous or victimized (two of my old favorites), or manufacture stories and additional painful emotions. Just LIG!

As a child my family went to church every Sunday morning where we sat in an austere Lutheran chapel and listened to a minister who – aware that adults tend to make things more complicated than necessary – wisely geared his sermons to the children among his parishioners. One Sunday, as we waited sitting on the hard wooden pews, it seemed that our pastor had gone missing when the doors suddenly flew opened and he came stomping up the aisle wearing hiking boots and a heavy backpack. The lesson that morning: leave your burdens with the Lord. In other words, LIG!

We all carry burdens. If we take an honest inventory we might discover most of them are unnecessary. We can lighten our load and the earth won’t tilt off axis, which is good news. It means we can take our problems and ourselves less seriously and give ourselves a break. When we genuinely let go of something we’ve been holding onto (sometimes for years) there’s a great sense of relief, we can breath easier and our hearts feel lighter. In fact, our whole body feels more relaxed. It’s no secret that stress is bad for our health. Whether we now enjoy good health or happen to have a chronic or degenerative illness we benefit from being able to let go of unhealthy habits, including unhealthy habits of mind. It’s a terrible stress to our bodies and minds when we hold onto poisonous emotions, resentments, or negative thoughts of any kind.

Here are two key points to letting go: first, you have to want to; second, you need some degree of mindfulness and awareness. As soon as you notice that you’re holding onto a negative emotion or thought let it go. It may come back immediately, if so, drop it again. The next time you become aware that you’re holding on let go again. Don’t judge yourself, just notice and let go. As we get better at letting go we might catch ourselves trying to justify or rationalize holding on to a negative emotion or thought – don’t! That’s the time to let go.

Letting go is something that we have to practice over and over until it becomes a positive habit. The good news is: we all know how to let go because it’s what we do every time we go to bed and fall asleep. However, when letting go of negative thoughts or emotions instead of staying asleep and following the same old pattern, use it as an opportunity to wake up. Notice what’s happening in your mind and in your body, notice the anger or fear or resentment and let it go. When you truly let go your mind and body settle back into a natural state of relaxation and peace. And what a relief that is!

Contemplations

A pithy quote from the Book of Mathew in the Bible:

Mathew 6:27

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

To paraphrase a wonderful teaching I've heard many times:

If you have a problem, or something is troubling you, and you can do something about it then there’s no need to worry because you can do something. If something is troubling you, or you have a problem, and you can’t do anything about it then there’s no point in worrying because you can’t do anything about it. In short, there’s never a need to worry.

From Bobby McFerrin’s famous song, Don’t Worry, Be Happy:

In every life we have some trouble 
When you worry you make it double 

If you’re not sure how to let go try this exercise, or visualize it well:

Hold a baseball tightly in your hand just long enough that it starts to feel uncomfortable but without hurting yourself. Then turn your hand over and drop the ball. Now observe how your hand feels. Your fingers are probably curled as if they’re still holding on and the muscles may hurt. It’s a similar process when dropping a negative thought or emotion. In order to let go you have to intentionally loosen your hold – just like opening your hand from around the baseball but instead of relaxing your finger muscles, you relax your mind. At first it can be uncomfortable and you might feel a strong urge to grab back onto the thought or emotion. With practice it gets easier. When we learn to let go it frees our mind, our energy, our body, and our heart.

Learn basic mindfulness practice:

Simple, guided mindful meditation instructions are offered on line by the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center: http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

Stories we tell

Chronic illness and pain have a rough and rugged quality like so many of the backcountry places I’ve been. Sometimes that’s because I’m physically worn down by pain, just like I was physically exhausted at the end of a long day of backpacking. But other times my experience of illness is like a rugged adventure, an exciting discovery of new terrain – an exploration of someplace I’ve never seen or been before. Living with chronic illness or pain takes tenacity and perseverance; paradoxically, it can demand the patience and endurance of a world-class athlete.

At the same time there’s a choiceless quality about living with chronic illness – it’s something beyond our control. How we deal with it, however, is where we have a choice. It’s a choice we make each day, every hour, in each minute and moment. We can decide: “This is hell. I can’t take it any more.” That’s certainly something I’ve said and thought more times than I can count. Or, we might choose instead to have an attitude that says: “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, may no one ever suffer like this.” That’s a great thought of compassion: “May no one ever suffer this illness and this pain.” That way of thinking – which is a kind of prayer or aspiration – enables us to see beyond our own pain and develop genuine empathy and compassion. Paradoxically, it helps us to deal with our own suffering because we start to care more about other people. Instead of focusing on ourselves we are able to wish the best for other people, even complete strangers whom we’ll never meet.

When, however, we tell a story about our illness that says, “this is a hell,” then the experience becomes more intense and unbearable. When we stick to that storyline our world becomes very claustrophobic. There’s not a lot of room or space to work with what’s happening. It’s like being in a frozen world where everything is stuck and there’s no movement or possibility except this on-going experience that we’ve labeled “hell.” The story we tell becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we have a tendency to perceive and label illness and pain in a strongly negative way then that will be our reality. Our experience will become more powerfully negative and more difficult to work with and live with. However, when we’re aware of the stories we tell they don’t have the power to lead us down deeply rutted tracks that leave us lost and stuck. It’s up to us how we deal with chronic illness, pain, or any type of suffering. We can shut down and withdraw or we can take the opportunity to open our heart to our own experience and to the people and world around us.

A recent tweet on DailyZen quoted the Austrian philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein, who apparently once said (or wrote), “Don’t think, look!” That playful tweet is a pithy three-word philosophy for how to live life in a genuine and openhearted way. Without even knowing it, we limit ourselves all the time through our use of language and the stories we construct. When, however, we don’t tell a story about our illness or pain, or any aspect of our life, we have a chance to look directly and nakedly at our experience with an open mind – we have a chance to look with a fresh eye without our preconceived ideas. We can never step outside of language completely, but we can look at our stories, beliefs, values and preconceived ideas with an open questioning mind. By doing that we have the opportunity to touch our experience more deeply without so many layers of language and words leading us around like a bull with a ring in its nose. When we let go of our storyline we can instead just be with what’s happening – we can look and see what’s actually there. Who knows, we might discover something completely new.