The life we have

It’s tempting to think of illness as an interruption of our “real life,” as if we’ll get back to living once our health has returned. With a long-term or chronic illness, however, we may not know when or even if our health will return. Even if it does, we may never again experience the same level of physical strength and stamina that we once enjoyed. In that situation it can feel as if life is on hold, as if we cannot fully live or be happy without our previous level of health. However, as a friend once told me, “while you’re grieving for the life you used to have life is still going on. So live that life.”

In order to live well with illness we must figure out how to whole-heartedly embrace our experience rather than resent it. Resentment only compounds our suffering. And why resent our life just because we have an illness?  After years of being sick I’ve come to realize that illness is like the weather, we may not like that we’re sick, or that it’s raining, but neither illness nor rain are personal insults. Sure, being sick feels personal because it’s happening to our bodies but we make it worse when we take it personally, as in: “Why is this happening to me?”

Illness is simply a part of life; it’s an experience of life. How we choose to live with it, however, is up to us. Life doesn’t stop just because we’re sick. Our life may take a slightly or significantly different form as a consequence of illness but it continues. Even if we have a disease from which we won’t recover, life continues until the very moment of our death. How we live those moments makes all the difference in both the quality of our life and, eventually, the quality of our death.

Living well with illness is as easy, and as difficult, as simply accepting it. That may seem outrageous. Why, we might ask, should someone with cancer accept it? Because fighting or resenting it does no good. In fact there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that people who accept their illness – which is not the same thing as giving up or discontinuing treatment – actually do better physically and emotionally. Why? Because in the simplest terms they’re able to relax, which frees up energy that the body needs. People who can accept their situation tend to be happier and find more joy in living.

Instead of seeing illness as an interruption, an annoyance, a burden or maybe even a curse, we might think of it instead as an invitation to appreciate the fact that we’re still alive. Being sick presents us with an opportunity to look more deeply at our experience, at how we’re living and how we relate with other people and our world. I think of illness as an adventure and a process of discovery. For me illness is, among other things, a chance to practice being content and happy with what I have, rather than see my situation as one of loss. It’s a chance to explore the full range of my experience: pain, fear, anger, depression, grief, even gratitude and contentment. Whatever arises is basically okay. By bringing a gentle awareness and mindfulness to our situation whatever arises is manageable. When we can greet each moment, whatever that moment brings, however it manifests, with openness and a sense of genuine curiosity we can discover what it means to live the life we have.