Coping with illness and other stresses – a Buddhist perspective

In order to maintain a basic sense of sanity while coping with constant illness I spend a lot of time working with my mind. Happiness is nothing other than a state of mind and therefore it’s something we actually have control over – it’s up to us.[i] If we pinned happiness to external circumstance then it would be no more stable than a house of cards in the wind. By learning how to work skillfully with our minds we can experience genuine happiness and have more resilience for handling stress.

Habitual tendencies

We use concepts and language often without realizing it to fuel our emotional states, as if we have to keep reminding ourselves why it is that we’re anxious, frustrated or afraid. We tell ourselves the same old stories over and over again and rarely give our mind a rest. Like a child poking a stick into a hornet’s nest we’re continually stirring up our mind, making ourselves unnecessarily miserable.

When we look straight at our experience without the weighty baggage of our usual narrative we can start to see that things aren’t as claustrophobic, solid or substantial as they seem. A sense of space opens up within the very experience of worry, anger, or fear. When we drop the labels and mental chitchat, even if only for a few seconds, we’re free to watch our mind and to let the energy of our mind settle on its own. When our mind is calm we are able to be relaxed and to experience a basic sense of well-being.

Calm abiding

Because we’re so used to our habitual ways of relating to people and situations we don’t notice when our minds are spinning out of control. By the time we do notice we’re in the midst of a full-blown drama: frustration has flared into anger; worry has turned into paralyzing fear and suddenly we’re completely off balance, unable to control our whirling thoughts and feelings.

When our minds are overwhelmed by negative emotions even the simplest things are difficult and cause additional suffering. When we have a calm and peaceful mind everything is more workable and even difficult challenges are manageable.

The best way to cultivate a calm mind is through the practice of mindfulness. By practicing mindfulness we know what our minds are doing: we can see when our mind is agitated or aggressive, excited or overwhelmed, sad or happy. By cultivating mindfulness we get to know our mind in all of its states. When we know our mind well and are able to maintain some degree of mindfulness then we aren't so easily ambushed by negative emotional state or carried away by positive ones. 

As a means to develop mindful awareness Buddhism teaches the meditation practice of shamatha, a Sanskrit word translated as “calm abiding”. In shamatha practice the breath is used as a focal object to give the mind something to focus on. We simply follow the breath in and out as we breath. Each time we notice that we've lost our mindfulness and that our minds have been chasing after thoughts we let those thoughts go and return to watching the breath. We simply drop the thoughts without any judgment about “good thoughts” or “bad thoughts” and return our attention to the breath. By practicing this technique we develop concentration and the ability to maintain a calm mind even in the midst of extreme situations and emotional states.

Prajna

Mindfulness is a powerful and profound practice and can help us deal with both stress and physical pain but according to Buddhism it isn't enough to truly free us from suffering. To experience genuine freedom from suffering we need to develop prajna, or wisdom – the wisdom that sees how things really are. We’re constantly bamboozled by our belief in external appearances; we believe in our dualistic perceptions of subject and object, perceiver and perceived. But that apparent dualism is more like a habit of mind and not how things truly are.

One of the simplest examples used in Buddhism to describe the true nature of phenomena is the reflection of the moon on water. On a clear night with a full moon we can see a bright, vivid, luminous and convincingly real image of the moon shining on a still lake. The reflected moon does not exist in any substantial way but is the mere appearance of a moon that arises from causes and conditions that have come together: a clear night, a full moon; a still lake.

Likewise, everything we think, feel or perceive with our senses – taste, touch, sound, sight, smell – arises from the coming together of various causes and conditions. Although this is obvious we rarely think about the implications, which are utterly profound: our entire phenomenal world including the “I” or “self” has no permanent, unchanging, or independent identity.

Because all phenomena are dependently arisen they are no more substantial than a reflection of the moon on water. When we can actually see how it is the all phenomena are vividly appearing yet empty in essence that is the birth of wisdom in our minds. When we truly understand interdependence we have the chance to free ourselves from suffering because we realize that whatever appears is just like a reflection. Whatever we experience is illusion-like. At that point we quit grasping or clinging to dualistic appearances of sadness and happiness, friend and enemy, illness and health, etc. and we experience a profound equanimity.

Note: The way we develop the prajna that understands and sees interdependence is through the practice of Vipashyana or analytical meditation. Shamatha and Vipashyana are best learned at a meditation center where one can receive instruction from a teacher with experience in these profound methods of working with the mind.

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[i] Certain physical conditions, like depression caused by chemical imbalances, can make it more challenging to experience happy states of mind. But knowing how to work with the mind in a skillful way can still be beneficial and help alleviate suffering.

Cultivating peace and happiness within the experience of loss

Chronic illness is among other things an experience of profound loss. The loss of one’s health necessarily means a host of other losses that can include one’s friends, family, job, home, security, independence, mobility, strength, and stamina – the list can be almost endless. But it doesn't have to include happiness and peace of mind.

In fact we can use the opportunity of illness and suffering to generate something that Buddhists refer to as boundless joy - sometimes called sympathetic joy.

How do we develop such a quality of joy? By rejoicing whenever we see or hear of someone else’s good fortune. We have lots of opportunities to practice sympathetic joy because when we’re sick we often see or hear about other people enjoying life in ways we no longer can.

Of course it isn't always easy to feel joyful especially if we have habits of jealousy or resentment, which most of us do to some degree. This is our chance to become familiar with some of our negative habits and develop positive ones instead. At first it takes practice. In the beginning we have to make some effort but eventually feeling genuinely happy for other people becomes a new habit.

If we notice we’re feeling resentful or jealous that can be a reminder: “oh, yeah, instead of feeling resentment I can use this chance to practice feeling joyful.” Then we flip the negative habit – we drop it – and give rise to  happiness for the person towards whom we were feeling jealous. We smile and feel genuine happiness in our heart that the other person is happy and that good things are happening for them.

Notice that the happiness is in our own mind and heart. It actually feels good! With a little practice we start to automatically feel happy for other people when good things happen for them. We start to develop a happier and more peaceful mind.

This is part of a Buddhist practice called the Four Immeasurables: boundless equanimity, boundless compassion, boundless loving-kindness and boundless joy. They are called “immeasurable” or “boundless” because we cultivate these qualities towards all sentient beings. Since the number of sentient beings is considered to be infinite these qualities are also infinite as we develop the ability to extend them to all beings.

In brief, equanimity is considering all beings including friends and enemies as equal and having no partiality towards those we think of as friends or enmity towards those we consider enemies. Compassion is the desire to free all sentient beings from suffering and loving-kindness is the wish that all sentient beings have happiness.

We can use the opportunity of chronic illness to develop all of these qualities. When we suffer we can think that we don’t want anyone, not even someone we might think of as an enemy, to have such pain. Then we can extend our compassion and think how we would like all beings to be free from suffering. We think how wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were happy; we make the wish that everyone would have everything they need in order to be happy. Then we can practice sympathetic joy by rejoicing when we actually see that other people are happy.

When doing these kinds of practices it’s best to start with those we care about and have some feeling of affection for, otherwise it’s too difficult. Gradually we can extend these practices towards those for whom we have neutral feelings. Eventually we can include people we have difficult relationships with or whom we think of as enemies or have some feelings of revulsion or aggression towards.

In the Buddhist tradition when we do such practices at the end we always dedicate the merit so that all sentient beings have happiness and are free from suffering. These profound practices enable us to generate vast loving-kindness and compassion as well as a happy and peaceful mind.