Coping with illness and other stresses – a Buddhist perspective

In order to maintain a basic sense of sanity while coping with constant illness I spend a lot of time working with my mind. Happiness is nothing other than a state of mind and therefore it’s something we actually have control over – it’s up to us.[i] If we pinned happiness to external circumstance then it would be no more stable than a house of cards in the wind. By learning how to work skillfully with our minds we can experience genuine happiness and have more resilience for handling stress.

Habitual tendencies

We use concepts and language often without realizing it to fuel our emotional states, as if we have to keep reminding ourselves why it is that we’re anxious, frustrated or afraid. We tell ourselves the same old stories over and over again and rarely give our mind a rest. Like a child poking a stick into a hornet’s nest we’re continually stirring up our mind, making ourselves unnecessarily miserable.

When we look straight at our experience without the weighty baggage of our usual narrative we can start to see that things aren’t as claustrophobic, solid or substantial as they seem. A sense of space opens up within the very experience of worry, anger, or fear. When we drop the labels and mental chitchat, even if only for a few seconds, we’re free to watch our mind and to let the energy of our mind settle on its own. When our mind is calm we are able to be relaxed and to experience a basic sense of well-being.

Calm abiding

Because we’re so used to our habitual ways of relating to people and situations we don’t notice when our minds are spinning out of control. By the time we do notice we’re in the midst of a full-blown drama: frustration has flared into anger; worry has turned into paralyzing fear and suddenly we’re completely off balance, unable to control our whirling thoughts and feelings.

When our minds are overwhelmed by negative emotions even the simplest things are difficult and cause additional suffering. When we have a calm and peaceful mind everything is more workable and even difficult challenges are manageable.

The best way to cultivate a calm mind is through the practice of mindfulness. By practicing mindfulness we know what our minds are doing: we can see when our mind is agitated or aggressive, excited or overwhelmed, sad or happy. By cultivating mindfulness we get to know our mind in all of its states. When we know our mind well and are able to maintain some degree of mindfulness then we aren't so easily ambushed by negative emotional state or carried away by positive ones. 

As a means to develop mindful awareness Buddhism teaches the meditation practice of shamatha, a Sanskrit word translated as “calm abiding”. In shamatha practice the breath is used as a focal object to give the mind something to focus on. We simply follow the breath in and out as we breath. Each time we notice that we've lost our mindfulness and that our minds have been chasing after thoughts we let those thoughts go and return to watching the breath. We simply drop the thoughts without any judgment about “good thoughts” or “bad thoughts” and return our attention to the breath. By practicing this technique we develop concentration and the ability to maintain a calm mind even in the midst of extreme situations and emotional states.

Prajna

Mindfulness is a powerful and profound practice and can help us deal with both stress and physical pain but according to Buddhism it isn't enough to truly free us from suffering. To experience genuine freedom from suffering we need to develop prajna, or wisdom – the wisdom that sees how things really are. We’re constantly bamboozled by our belief in external appearances; we believe in our dualistic perceptions of subject and object, perceiver and perceived. But that apparent dualism is more like a habit of mind and not how things truly are.

One of the simplest examples used in Buddhism to describe the true nature of phenomena is the reflection of the moon on water. On a clear night with a full moon we can see a bright, vivid, luminous and convincingly real image of the moon shining on a still lake. The reflected moon does not exist in any substantial way but is the mere appearance of a moon that arises from causes and conditions that have come together: a clear night, a full moon; a still lake.

Likewise, everything we think, feel or perceive with our senses – taste, touch, sound, sight, smell – arises from the coming together of various causes and conditions. Although this is obvious we rarely think about the implications, which are utterly profound: our entire phenomenal world including the “I” or “self” has no permanent, unchanging, or independent identity.

Because all phenomena are dependently arisen they are no more substantial than a reflection of the moon on water. When we can actually see how it is the all phenomena are vividly appearing yet empty in essence that is the birth of wisdom in our minds. When we truly understand interdependence we have the chance to free ourselves from suffering because we realize that whatever appears is just like a reflection. Whatever we experience is illusion-like. At that point we quit grasping or clinging to dualistic appearances of sadness and happiness, friend and enemy, illness and health, etc. and we experience a profound equanimity.

Note: The way we develop the prajna that understands and sees interdependence is through the practice of Vipashyana or analytical meditation. Shamatha and Vipashyana are best learned at a meditation center where one can receive instruction from a teacher with experience in these profound methods of working with the mind.

---

[i] Certain physical conditions, like depression caused by chemical imbalances, can make it more challenging to experience happy states of mind. But knowing how to work with the mind in a skillful way can still be beneficial and help alleviate suffering.

Illness and the Buddha’s begging bowel

In Old Path White Clouds, Thich Nhat Hanh’s classic retelling of the Buddha’s life, the Buddha explained why he and his disciples begged for their daily meal: begging was a spiritual discipline that enabled the monks to develop patience and humility and because it freed them from having to prepare their own meals they had more time for spiritual practice. Moreover the monks learned not to be overly attached to food and to accept whatever was offered with gratitude – even a small yam or bit of rice was better than an empty bowl.

Because the monks were in daily contact with the lay community they established meaningful relationships with the townsfolk and could share the Buddha’s teachings with anyone who expressed interested. The concept of karma is deeply rooted in India and the villagers, whether Hindu or Buddhist, understood that they accumulated merit and good karma by offering food to the monks. By relying upon the generosity of villagers for their food the monks were reminded everyday of the truth of interdependence – that we are all interconnected and dependent upon each other.

We generally think of dependency as a bad thing. The truth however is that we are dependent upon each other all of the time. The problem is that we don’t usually see let alone acknowledge our interdependence. That’s partly because our culture over-values independence. We have an entire national mythology, a sort of cultural fantasy, of rugged individualism that might be great for our egos but that’s devastating for our development of kindness and community.  Of course we are all unique individuals each with our own talents and gifts. But at the same time we depend upon each other for our very existence.

Illness reminds me daily of my dependency and the truth of interdependence. I have to ask for help cooking my meals, doing laundry, getting to medical appointments, picking up prescriptions, shopping for food. Even the most basic things are often beyond what I can manage. Everyday I rely upon family, friends and even strangers for assistance. Most people are happy to help – it feels good to help another person.

Whenever I do ask for help, perhaps for something as simple as reaching for an object off a grocery shelf, there is a small but profound moment of contact with another human being. In that way illness provides me with opportunities to develop meaningful connections with other people and my community. In turn, my dependency creates opportunities for other people to practice generosity, kindness, compassion and even patience. And that’s a good thing. How else can we develop these qualities?

When we can’t take care of our own needs we can either become bitter and resentful or we can learn to accept our situation. I have to be patient with my situation and with those who are trying to help me. I have to be willing to ask for and accept help even though it's not always easy to do. Illness is my chance to practice and develop qualities of patience, kindness, gratitude, and humility. It's extremely humbling to be dependent which may be one reason, culturally speaking, that we prefer to forget our interdependence.

Humility is not valued in our culture and yet it's extremely important. We tend to think of humility as a kind of weakness but actually it’s a great strength. When we've tamed our ego to the extent that we care as much for and about other people as we do ourselves that is freedom. It's freedom because we've freed our minds, if even just a little bit, from poisonous emotions like jealousy and resentment, pride, arrogance, anger, spite and all the negative states of mind that cause us so much suffering – sometimes far worse than any physical illness. Gentleness, humility, kindness and compassion are true strengths that reflect genuine and unshakable fearlessness. I aspire to such fearlessness.

When I was still healthy I was stubbornly independent and wouldn’t ask for help even when I needed it. That’s not a good way to be in the world because it closes off opportunities to deepen our connectedness to each other and community. Living with chronic illness is not easy but it can be a rich spiritual journey. I can either waste the time I have left feeling sorry for myself or grab this chance to tame my own mind and develop all of the openhearted qualities that are so important. As I see it, illness is an utterly profound reminder of what is truly important and of the truth and blessing of interdependence. I’m reminded of these things everyday as if I too were walking from home to home with a begging bowl.