Let yourself be

Note: as I’ve gotten sicker writing has become more difficult. In order to continue this blog I’m trying a new format: short and pithy.

Today in a brief email to a friend I wrote: “To say that my health is poor is an understatement. But I’m still alive to joyful walk my spiritual path.”

If you don’t have a spiritual path that’s okay because what I really mean is that so long as we’re alive we have the chance to experience a moment of gentle peace, a quiet space of dignity that is the true nature of who we are. 

Take one moment. Sit silently. Be still.

Beyond worry and fear is peace. Beyond hope is a vast space of fearless freedom. Don’t think about it. Let go and taste it.

Being is not the same as doing. For a few moments each day quit doing.

Let go. Let go of everything. Just be. It’s easy. For just a few moments every day be who you truly are. It will slowly become a habit.

All of life is lived in one moment. We are alive now.

Suffering and the path of wisdom

It’s something of a joke among Buddhists – and among those who know something about Buddhism – that we spend a lot of time studying, contemplating and meditating upon suffering. It sounds depressing but actually it’s a very pragmatic thing to do because it acknowledges the reality of our situation. We can’t work with suffering effectively unless we have the courage to look at our experience exactly as it is without any sugarcoating. By doing that we get to know our situation in great detail so that we can relate to it with a sense of open-mindedness and sanity instead of the usual close-minded neurotic way we relate to things.

The first teaching the Buddha gave after attaining enlightenment is known as The Four Noble Truths. Of those, the first is the truth of suffering. Why did the Buddha begin 40 years of teaching talking about suffering? Why didn’t the Buddha talk about enlightenment first?

The reason the Buddha talked about suffering first is because we can’t attain enlightenment by ignoring and skipping over the reality of our experience. It isn’t possible to skip straight to enlightenment. We have to begin the journey to enlightenment based upon the truth without glossing over how things are. “This life,” the Buddha told his disciples over and over again, “is suffering.” The Buddha didn’t say that to depress the monks, he said that to encourage them to get real and see things the way they are.

Of course no one wants to hear, let alone acknowledged, that this life is suffering. We want to think that suffering is only a small part of our experience. We want to think that if we just do the right thing, if we exercise everyday, if we eat our vegetables, if we wear a seatbelt, if we say “please” and “thank you” then we can avoid suffering. But that’s not realistic. If we look honestly at things we can see that suffering pervades all of our experiences in obvious and subtle ways. There are obvious forms of suffering associated with sickness, accidents, aging and death. Even those things that make us happy have the seeds of suffering in them.

For example: every spring when fresh strawberries finally arrive (imagine your favorite fruit for this example) the first berry is absolutely heavenly – plump, juicy and luscious – so is the second, third and fourth berry. But at some point we become jaded and the strawberries don’t taste quite as sweet. There’s a subtle dissatisfaction right in the midst of our pleasure. Added to that is the fact that they don’t last, which causes an additional feeling of disappointment. Maybe we eat too many and feel uncomfortable and a little sick of the berries. If we look closely at all of our experiences in this way we will find an undercurrent of dissatisfaction or discontent even in the most pleasant situations. That’s because things are impermanent and changing. Nothing lasts forever. Moreover, things never go exactly as we want no matter how much we try and control them.

It’s said that when we experience suffering so deeply that we want to be free of it, that very desire to be free is the first step on the path to enlightenment. If our life is nice and cushy then there’s no motivation to want to wake up. But when we’re completely sick and tired of suffering we have a lot of incentive to do something about it. When we’re sitting in the nightmare of our situation we want to wake up out of our dream of suffering. That dissatisfaction is a powerful motivation to start to question our experience and begin our journey towards wisdom. Without such motivation we’d never question our life, we’d never want to wake up. Who wants to wake up from a nice dream?

So that’s the good news about suffering. The moment we take a closer look at it we’ve started our journey on the path of wisdom. And what is that path of wisdom? It’s the journey of discovering the true nature of suffering, which is ultimately about realizing the true nature of our own mind. And what is the true nature of mind? According to all the Buddhist masters who have actually realized that nature, the fundamental nature of our own mind is peace, or nirvana. That fundamental nature is freedom from suffering.

It’s said that when we have some realization of the nature of mind then we experience peace right in the midst of whatever is happening. One doesn’t have to be a fully enlightened Buddha to develop some genuine experience of peace or to experience a taste of freedom from suffering. One does, however, need to know something about the true nature of mind and to learn about that we first have to develop a firm understanding of the truth of suffering. Through investigating our own experience we generate a sense of conviction about the truth of suffering and that starts us on the path of wisdom. Otherwise, without such conviction, we’ll never take that first step towards freedom.

Let it Go

Years ago I worked with a woman who used acronyms when speaking as a way to code conversation that our supervisor might overhear. One of her favorites was LIG – let it go. I learned many things in that job, among them that the only and best response in a situation is often none at all. Rather than react or respond – especially when under the influence of a powerful emotion – it’s more useful to look directly inward at our own mind, watch carefully and cautiously, and then as the energy begins to dissipate let it go. Whatever emotion or negative thought that manifests don’t grab onto it or use it to build resentments, feel self-righteous or victimized (two of my old favorites), or manufacture stories and additional painful emotions. Just LIG!

As a child my family went to church every Sunday morning where we sat in an austere Lutheran chapel and listened to a minister who – aware that adults tend to make things more complicated than necessary – wisely geared his sermons to the children among his parishioners. One Sunday, as we waited sitting on the hard wooden pews, it seemed that our pastor had gone missing when the doors suddenly flew opened and he came stomping up the aisle wearing hiking boots and a heavy backpack. The lesson that morning: leave your burdens with the Lord. In other words, LIG!

We all carry burdens. If we take an honest inventory we might discover most of them are unnecessary. We can lighten our load and the earth won’t tilt off axis, which is good news. It means we can take our problems and ourselves less seriously and give ourselves a break. When we genuinely let go of something we’ve been holding onto (sometimes for years) there’s a great sense of relief, we can breath easier and our hearts feel lighter. In fact, our whole body feels more relaxed. It’s no secret that stress is bad for our health. Whether we now enjoy good health or happen to have a chronic or degenerative illness we benefit from being able to let go of unhealthy habits, including unhealthy habits of mind. It’s a terrible stress to our bodies and minds when we hold onto poisonous emotions, resentments, or negative thoughts of any kind.

Here are two key points to letting go: first, you have to want to; second, you need some degree of mindfulness and awareness. As soon as you notice that you’re holding onto a negative emotion or thought let it go. It may come back immediately, if so, drop it again. The next time you become aware that you’re holding on let go again. Don’t judge yourself, just notice and let go. As we get better at letting go we might catch ourselves trying to justify or rationalize holding on to a negative emotion or thought – don’t! That’s the time to let go.

Letting go is something that we have to practice over and over until it becomes a positive habit. The good news is: we all know how to let go because it’s what we do every time we go to bed and fall asleep. However, when letting go of negative thoughts or emotions instead of staying asleep and following the same old pattern, use it as an opportunity to wake up. Notice what’s happening in your mind and in your body, notice the anger or fear or resentment and let it go. When you truly let go your mind and body settle back into a natural state of relaxation and peace. And what a relief that is!

Contemplations

A pithy quote from the Book of Mathew in the Bible:

Mathew 6:27

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

To paraphrase a wonderful teaching I've heard many times:

If you have a problem, or something is troubling you, and you can do something about it then there’s no need to worry because you can do something. If something is troubling you, or you have a problem, and you can’t do anything about it then there’s no point in worrying because you can’t do anything about it. In short, there’s never a need to worry.

From Bobby McFerrin’s famous song, Don’t Worry, Be Happy:

In every life we have some trouble 
When you worry you make it double 

If you’re not sure how to let go try this exercise, or visualize it well:

Hold a baseball tightly in your hand just long enough that it starts to feel uncomfortable but without hurting yourself. Then turn your hand over and drop the ball. Now observe how your hand feels. Your fingers are probably curled as if they’re still holding on and the muscles may hurt. It’s a similar process when dropping a negative thought or emotion. In order to let go you have to intentionally loosen your hold – just like opening your hand from around the baseball but instead of relaxing your finger muscles, you relax your mind. At first it can be uncomfortable and you might feel a strong urge to grab back onto the thought or emotion. With practice it gets easier. When we learn to let go it frees our mind, our energy, our body, and our heart.

Learn basic mindfulness practice:

Simple, guided mindful meditation instructions are offered on line by the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center: http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22